It has been 13 years since I had the benefit of calling my mom. It has been 13 years since she has shared any of my milestones.
You don’t realize how fast 13 years go by. Or how much you miss out on.
Here are ten things I wish I could share with my mom.
1. My Graduation From College
I was the first person in my family to receive a college degree. Something that, to this day, I am very proud of. I worked hard to receive that piece of paper.
I would have given anything to share it with her.
I was lucky enough to have her for my high school graduation. I will forever be grateful for that. But the feeling of loss held steady that day. I hate that she wasn’t there for that achievement.
2. That Big Dress Shopping Day
This one occurs to me around every holiday. You’re preparing for an evening with friends and family. You pull an item off the rack and hold it up to your frame. Most girls can ask their mom their opinions, I can’t.
Not even something as small as holiday shopping, either.
I think about the fact, that one day it’ll be my turn to pick a dress. That big day will come and she won’t be there to offer her opinions.
She picked my senior prom dress. She fell in love with it the moment we walked into the shop. I guess I should be grateful, I at least got to see her reaction to that.
The thought of her not there for that one day moment makes me not even want it.
3. He Never Gets to Meet Her
My mom was the type that when you walked into my house you became hers. This could be said, with abundance, for her son-in-laws.
While some of them didn’t deserve to be loved by her, she put her all into it anyway.
It hurts to think that she’ll never meet him. She’ll never get to put in her opinion and tell me I did okay. I’ll never get to see her bond with his mother.
It’s a complex hurt. Especially when I knew her heart, and I know that she would have adored him.