First of all, I just wanted to say that this is a beautiful way to put it all into words. I'll be waiting till I can leave actual comments on those sections. You can really read all of your heart here, wide open. I'm glad you wrote it all out and I'm glad you shared it.
But on a side note, I just wanted to add that you're not alone in any of this. even when you feel like you are. I'm just a message or a phone call or a visit away <3 all you ever have to do is yell.