What Is the Balance?

Amanda Bussman
2 min readAug 1, 2022

It’s been years since I felt like I had a handle on my life. If I've ever actually had an articulate handle on life. I understand, that most of life is aiming to fake it until you make it and then just going with the flow of it all. Not exactly the life that I’d expected to live.

I’m not sure I even know what I want to do anymore.

I know that I exist in a world of pipe dreams where I write and get paid to do just that. It’s my passion, it’s the one thing I've always felt like I was good at. Yet I can’t figure out how to crack the system and actually earn a sustainable income for the thing that I love the most.

It scares me to know that the years are passing by and I still don’t have a clue or a direction.

By 32 I always thought that I would have my life figured out. I’d have a car and a house. Perhaps there would even be a ring on my finger and I’d be financially and mentally ready to have a child.

That couldn’t be further from where I stand right now.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to get to that point. The point where I’m doing okay enough to find my balance and to know where I should be in life. Hell, I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the point where I have my own family and things are okay. As the days' tick by that seems more and more impossible. As if it’s just a notion that I will never get to experience.

I do know that I need to do something.

Part of that whole faking it till you make it thing is actually finding the confidence to put together something you love. Finding a ground to stand on. I need to stop pushing it off and just jump full force into it. I want to start blogging again. I want to record my own podcast where I get to talk about comic books. I need to self-publish a writing prompts book because it’s been on my list for over a year now.

It’s time that I try harder to make my own dreams come true. That I find a way to keep myself accountable and on track. I’ve decided that this is going to be my accountability project. These little journal entries of sorts are going to be my personal recollection of what it takes to struggle and find my way out of the mess my life seems to be right now.

If you want to join me in figuring out this mess, feel free to follow me and come along. If you have any advice I’d be more than happy to read it. Right now I’m at a loss and I feel pretty hopeless. Have you been in this position? Do you have a positive story to leave? I’d love to hear about your success.

Thanks for taking the time to read this mess of words.

Amanda Bussman

An aspiring creative writer who is attempting to figure out how to follow my passions and make a living doing so.