What Is the Balance?

It’s been years since I felt like I had a handle on my life. If I've ever actually had an articulate handle on life. I understand, that most of life is aiming to fake it until you make it and then just going with the flow of it all. Not exactly the life that I’d expected to live.

I’m not sure I even know what I want to do anymore.

I know that I exist in a world of pipe dreams where I write and get paid to do just that. It’s my passion, it’s the one thing I've always felt like I was good at. Yet I can’t figure out how to crack the system and actually earn a sustainable income for the thing that I love the most.

It scares me to know that the years are passing by and I still don’t have a clue or a direction.

By 32 I always thought that I would have my life figured out. I’d have a car and a house. Perhaps there would even be a ring on my finger and I’d be financially and mentally ready to have a child.

That couldn’t be further from where I stand right now.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to get to that point. The point where I’m doing okay enough to find my balance and to know where I should be in life. Hell, I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the point where I have my own family and things are okay. As the days' tick by that seems more and more impossible. As if it’s just a notion that I will never get to experience.

I do know that I need to do something.